Adam Schein wrote an article about the Cowboys that misses the mark on so many levels, it’s comical. This is basically just stupid piled on top of more stupid. The highlights:
There’s good news and bad news for the Dallas Cowboys.
The good news is, they won’t have to hear the familiar refrain this season that they’re once again underachieving and failing to live up to their incredible talent.
The bad news is, that’s because the Cowboys are the flat-out worst team in the NFC East and one of the four worst teams in the conference. It’s not even up for debate.
The bad news is that I read Schein’s crappy article in full. The good news is that I’m going to proceed making fun of it over the next 800 words.
Anyway, getting back to his first couple paragraphs above… It’s “not up for debate” that the Cowboys are one of the 4 worst teams in the conference, huh? See, here I was thinking that Lions and Eagles were 4-12 last season, the Cardinals don’t have a QB, a running game, or an OL, the Vikings have to hand it to Adrian Peterson and pray that he doesn’t get hurt, and the Buccaneers couldn’t cover me. But it’s not even “up for debate.” OK, I’ll hear you out, Schein. What’cha got up your sleeve?
Owner Jerry Jones has gone about managing his coaching staff the wrong way. Dallas has yet to make a single offseason addition that will either shore up a major hole or strengthen the roster. It’s a recipe for disaster.
Yeah, that recipe sure doesn’t work for the Packers, who never wade into the free agency pool, and yet are one of the best teams in the league every year, with a recent Super Bowl victory to their credit. That’s not to say that the Cowboys aren’t signing guys because that’s what they’re choosing to do, mind you. They can’t sign guys because they’ve mismanaged the hell out of their salary cap, but what Schein is saying is that not signing players in free agency “is a recipe for disaster.” Which means the Packers are dumb.
There are other issues on the defense. Some rival executives tell me they wonder if cornerbacks Brandon Carr and Morris Claiborne are suited for Kiffin’s scheme. The safeties aren’t special. The front seven doesn’t stack up.
The front seven includes DeMarcus Ware, Anthony Spencer, Sean Lee, Bruce Carter, and Jay Ratliff. There’s some talent there, no?
Dallas’ offensive line is weak. Miles Austin and Dez Bryant are, in theory, a dynamic 1-2 punch at receiver, but Austin has had injury and availability issues while Bryant, who also battled injuries last year, seemingly doesn’t prioritize football and the little things it takes to win. Thanks to the poor line play and running back DeMarco Murray’s fragility, the ground game is spotty.
Some valid points there. But maybe we can start to let up on Bryant a little bit? Is he a knucklehead? Sure. No question. But… In the second half of the season last year, Bryant had 50 catches, 879 yards, and 10 TDs. That’s pretty good, right? I’m pretty sure I might allow that guy to play for my team. Call me crazy.
The New York Giants are the best team in the NFC East. General manager Jerry Reese has had a very strong offseason, signing three likely starters in pass-catching tight end Brandon Myers, versatile defensive lineman Cullen Jenkins and former Cowboys linebacker Dan Connor.
Yep, the Giants are awesome because they signed Dan Connor, who is so good that a “bottom 4 NFC team” cut him. I mean… that whole argument sounds like this.
Reese also added a fourth receiver in Louis Murphy and brought back old friend Aaron Ross at corner.
I love what Chip Kelly and the Philadelphia Eagles have done, upgrading with defensive end Connor Barwin.
Yep, loves Barwin so much that he doesn’t even know that he’s a linebacker.
If the Cowboys were in the NFC West, they’d be in fifth place, behind the conference’s two most well-rounded squads in the Seattle Seahawks and San Francisco 49ers, as well as the St. Louis Rams (love the addition of Jake Long) and Arizona Cardinals (I told you they were going to sign Drew Stanton to play for Coach of the Year Bruce Arians).
Wait, did Schein just say the Cardinals are a better team, and in the process note that they signed Drew fucking Stanton. Are you fucking shitting me?
Sean Payton is back; thus, so are the New Orleans Saints. The Atlanta Falcons are better than Dallas, obviously. So are the Green Bay Packers, Chicago Bears and — now that they have Greg Jennings — Minnesota Vikings.
Greg Jennings missed 8 games last year, and 3 the year before. 8 + 3 = 11. Dez Bryant and Miles Austin missed a combined 7 games the last two seasons and they’re injury prone according to Schein, but apparently Jennings is the guy that’s going to get the Vikings over the top with his healthy awesomeness. Oh, and in the 8 games last season that he did play, Jennings had 36 catches for 366 yards and 4 TDs. And he’ll be 30 in September. Sooooo… yeah.
So congrats, Dallas. You are lumped in with the Detroit Lions (who have work to do, as much as I loved the Reggie Bush signing), Carolina Panthers (who must significantly improve their defense, offensive line and receiving corps) and Tampa Bay Buccaneers (who aren’t quite there yet, though of course we can reconsider their status if and when they land Darrelle Revis). You are behind St. Louis. Your owner has made your coach a dead man walking.
Dallas has a boatload of issues. As Schein notes, the OL stinks and Jerry Jones should not be a GM. I’m on board there. He’s also right that Tony Romo is a huge reason the Cowboys were even in the mix last year. But holy hell, this nonsense is absolutely nothing more than a ploy to get clicks, and an insanely thoughtless one at that. So congrats, Schein. You win.