The Eagles totally need to draft Eric Fisher at 4th overall, assuming the rest of the NFL doesn’t catch on to his amazing growing arms

On January 21st at the Senior Bowl, Central Michigan OT Eric Fisher’s arms were measured at 34″ even.

Eric Fisher 3

Today, February 21st, in Indianapolis at the NFL Combine, they measured 34 1/2″:

Eric Fisher 2

That is extremely impressive. By the time September 21st rolls around, if he keeps his arm-growing pace up at a half inch per month, Fisher’s arms will be 40 inches long by the time the playoffs begin:

Eric Fisher 4

“Great arm length” is anything greater than 35 inches, according to Wes Bunting of the National Football Post. Fisher will have longer arms than Manute Bol by the time he has been in the league for 2 years. The longer your reach, the bigger advantage you have as an offensive tackle against pass rushers.

However, my biggest concern regarding Fisher’s arm growth is that his arms will be longer than the entire length of his body by the 2020 season. He’ll look something like this:

Eric Fisher

At some point, whatever team drafts him is going to have to move him to TE so that he has room to extend his arms pre-snap, and not be offsides. This will require his team to move him off the line of scrimmage, making him a TE:

Eric Fisher 5

Of course, when his arms are that long, you’ll want him to play TE anyway, so that he can be the red zone target that Eagles fans have been clamoring for over the last decade. That should put all the Plaxico Burress talk to bed:

Eric Fisher 6

He’ll lead the NFL in TDs, however, they’ll probably have to hire somebody to wipe his ass.

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27 Comments

  1. hippo hunter says:

    You are assuming a linear progression, but I see no reason why the progression could not be exponential. Then his arms will be longer then the entire solar system by the end of the 2014 season, which would, well lets just suggest he controls his fiber levels to assure a consistent stool.

    1. Excellent point here.

  2. [...] Jimmy Bama had some fun with that in a hilarious post you all should check out. [...]

  3. ct17 says:

    A lot of players grew longer from the Senior Bowl. I think we need independent third-party verification.

    1. Deer Antler Spray says:

      I think the inch as a standards of measure got shorter.

      That explains everything.

  4. Dez Bryant's Probation Officer says:

    You’re really stretching it here, Jimmy.

  5. Eventually he could move to middle linebacker. He could just stand right behind the DL and wrap up any run between the tackles, or just reach forward and poke the QB over.

    1. Almost impossible to kick FGs against him, too.

      1. As his arms grow and he can do more superhuman feats, he gets harder to game plan against. I think they need to trade up to #1 to make sure they get him.

      2. Mflick says:

        Not sure I follow. Could you draw a picture of that?

          1. Jules says:

            Clearly we need better helmet technology – look at that guy on the far left of the defense. His head must be as soft as a newborn’s. Cut that guy!

            1. He was dropped as a baby.

  6. SteveH says:

    Some of Leonardo dakempski’s finest work.

  7. Mflick says:

    Brilliant

  8. Skinsational says:

    “He’ll lead the NFL in TDs, however, they’ll probably have to hire somebody to wipe his ass.”

    That’s the best last line to anything I’ve ever read.

  9. CarverM says:

    So his arms will be 40″ by the time the Eagle’s season is over?

  10. ian no. 2 says:

    The Geneva Convention small arms provision stipulates a 38″ threshold which may exempt the Eagles from playing in London.

  11. Alex says:

    He should have a great career after football as a fireman who can rescue cats out of trees without a ladder.

  12. Frank says:

    Forget TE, we would move him to RB and just have him extend his arms over the DL’s heads. We’d get 5 yard every play and he would lead the league in rushing.

  13. Tracer Bullet says:

    He’ll have to run with his arms straight up unless some team makes him install extra elbows.

  14. Frank says:

    Genius

  15. Real Talk says:

    Eagles need Fisher,Giants need Ansah,Cowboys need Vacarro,Skins need Trufant.

  16. slandog says:

    Great artwork Jimmy!!

  17. mjoedgaard says:

    HAHA

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