My newborn baby is tainted

My wife and I had a baby girl last night.  I know… Congrats and thank you’s all around.  We left for the hospital at around 4:30am so that my wife could be induced yesterday morning.  She didn’t give birth until 8:18pm, almost 16 hours later (and it wound up being a C section anyway).  Labor is very boring.  Repeat… VERY boring.  Well, boring for me, that is.  For the woman, it’s… you know… mostly discomfort, with intermittent periods of pain and general awfulness.  Some things I did while my wife was in labor:

- I wrote about football.

- I tried perfecting my stand-up comedy routine with my poor wife as the sole audience.

- If the nurse said she was going to do something that I thought I could handle, I’d steal that job from her.  For example, at one point she said she was going to get ice chips from the snack area of the hospital.  I would immediately think, “Wait… ice chips? I can handle that!”  And I’d snatch the cup out of the nurse’s hand and run down the hall as if there was some sort of emergency.  If I didn’t get the ice chips and get back to the room in less than minute, the hospital would explode.

- At one point I ran suicides in our hospital room, a la Jim Carrey in The Cable Guy.

- I dressed up like an ER surgeon.

- I allowed my ridiculous superstitions and OCD to run wild.  I’ll explain.  As my regular readers know, while I write about all 4 NFCE teams, I’m an enormous Eagles fan.  See that green shirt in the comedy routine picture I posted above?  That’s no coincidence.  If I go to WalMart and don’t like how Eagles paraphernalia is arranged among the other teams, I’ll rearrange.  I do a morning “Linky” post every morning for this site, in which I’ll link to news about the 4 NFCE teams and then add my own commentary.  I’ll have news for one team on the front page, and you have to click “more” for the other 3.  Not sure if anyone really even notices, but I rotate each team every day to be fair.  Yesterday would have been the Giants’ turn.  But could I have the Giants be on the front page the day my first child was going to be born?  Hell no.  I put the Eagles on the front page yesterday.

When they brought me in for the C section, you’re basically behind a curtain, sitting by your wife’s head.  You can’t actually see the operation (nor would you want to do), and there’s so much going on that you barely even notice the doctors performing it.  And so, when they pulled the baby out and I could hear her “whaaaaaaah!” for the first time, such a surreal and awesome moment, really just about the most natural high you can experience, I looked up and realized that the first person to ever hold my newborn baby was…

A Giants fan.

31 Comments

  1. brisulph says:

    Was away Jimmy, but just wanted to post my congrats to you! It’s a special thing to have a Giants guiding hand from an early age for your child.

  2. D3Keith says:

    Great post. Whole lot more Giants gear being worn lately, lotta fans came out the closet for this one.

    Just know that people trying to convert your kid never stops. My son is 7 and his first-grade teacher and his best friend like the Steelers, so he now says he likes the Steelers … all the while ensuring me that he still likes the Eagles too, and will wear his LeSean McCoy jersey when appropriate.

    Your commenters are right though, just look it the bright side: The kid gets to avoid the 51 years of agony, and live in the era when the Eagles win Super Bowl after Super Bowl.

  3. Isi_eagle says:

    Congrats Jimmy! Awesome news! Wish you all the best with the child. I’m sure she’ll be raised as a true Eagle fan! Maybe even the first female headcoach in NFL? :)

  4. Cliff says:

    Your wife’s going to kill you for that photo.

  5. norman says:

    Congrats Jimmy. Happy for 10 fingers and 10 toes.

    Hope her first jersey is a Dawks one.

  6. [...] For those who didn’t yet check this out, do read Jimmy’s story about the birth of his daughter.  Classic stuff. [...]

  7. Logan says:

    Congrats Jimmy!

  8. Scott says:

    I am equally elated and pained for you

  9. TheRealMcCoy says:

    Congrats Jimmy! Best of wishes to you, your wife, and your newborn girl!

  10. One.cool.customer says:

    Congrats, Jimmy.

    And you know what, there is one positive thing you can take from the fact that the first person your daughter saw was a Giants fan:

    She will always be lucky.

  11. Frank G says:

    Congrats Jimmy! This kid may have a fighting chance if any of that Dr. Giant rubs off on him.

  12. Immynimmy says:

    Welp, looks like your daughter is going to end up the female version of Damien from the Omen.

    Congrats!

  13. yehti says:

    congrats Jimmy on the newborn. children are amazing and so much fun. eagles, giants, redskins or hopefully a cowboy fan, you are a lucky man right now. once again Congrats!!

  14. ATLeagle says:

    After your talk about sending back beer in giants glasses, I am shocked you didnt halt the operation the moment that guy walked into the room.

    Congrats… and maybe he just had to wear it for a lost bet?

  15. DerfDiggy says:

    Congratulations! It’s a beautiful thing. Long process huh?
    Strange enough, my wife was admitted to the hospital at 4:20am, induced, and my son was born at 8:04. No Redskins head garb worn, but I later found out the doctor was a Redskins fan.
    I told the doctor if I had known he was a Redskins fan I would’ve asked for a different doctor. We made sure there were plenty of Cowboys blankets in our rooms to wash out the filth.

  16. andiamo says:

    Awesome.

  17. DCeaglesfan says:

    Haha awesome post you the man Jimmy. Congrats.

  18. CulDaddy says:

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! u shoulda strangled him w/ the ambilical cord! Shannon’s little brother snuck a Giants hat on Tyler when I wasn’t looking and snapped a picture – same deal, forever tainted. I figure by the time they’re old enough to remember, they’ll be remembering the Eagles winning some Super Bowls. He already loves the Eagles fight song which I figure cancels out the tainted hat episode.

    CONGRATS again to you and Tracy. All the best!

    PS- that Walmart rearrangement is AWESOME!

    1. Smitty2K3 says:

      I second this. Especially the “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” part. Haha, I thought the same thing when I saw that picture.

      But in the end, all that matters is that both baby and mom are healthy.

      Congrats, Jimmy.

    2. YouDownWith JPP? says:

      CulDaddy – Poor Tyler’s birth will ALWAYS be associated with the 4th NY Giants Superbowl while your poor Feables have a grand total of ZERO… So, if he occasionally wants to rock some BIG BLUE, cut the kid some slack, he was born during the making of HISTORY.

      P.S. Congratulations :)

      1. CulDaddy says:

        Technically, he wasn’t born in the year the G-Pansies won. AND the Eagles have won THREE NFL Championships (placing a smack down on Lombardi in the process). He was also born during a time of Eagle domination over the Giants- seeing we won 7 out of the last 8 games. 88% WINNING! So, to answer your question…no, no we are not down with JPP. FLY EAGLES FLY!

  19. RogerPodacter says:

    oh man that was too funny.
    congrats and all!

  20. The Purple Lion says:

    Congrats Jimmy,

    My first child is due in June! A boy!

    The Giants spanked us by winning the superbowl … the giants fan doctor spanked your (assumed to be) green blooded child … I dont like where this is headed.

  21. rage114 says:

    Congratulations.

    Question. How long did you ponder a do-over by asking him to put it back so someone other than a Giants fan can be the first to hold your daughter?

  22. ubrab says:

    Congrats Jimmy.

    Hope the doctor/giants fan will be reverse jinxing.

  23. Jon Cokines says:

    Congrats Kempski!

    Maybe now he will have blind luck, people fumbling and laying down around him, allowing him to reach the pinnacle in his chosen profession, while taking a lot of smack and pretending he knew he was the best the whole time????

    1. Jon Cokines says:

      SHE! Sorry…

  24. romu says:

    Ah ah this is just awesome.

    Congrats and all that.

  25. Tracer Bullet says:

    Spartans threw tainted or “defective” children off a mountain to ensure the strength of the entire society. Now, I’m not saying you should do that, but I am saying my kid went to training camp at two weeks old and that you’re young and can have many more children.

  26. BBI says:

    Congrats Jimmy! And good looks on that doc. Your child is now blessed.

  27. Mark Sitko says:

    this is an awesome post…congrats to you and your wife. Keep up the great writing about our birds…and please wash that baby…

    sitko

    PS – Are you going with Nnamdi or Shady?

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