Happy that Hank is gone? Me too. Worry not – ESPN is simply going to fill the “void” with something equally useless

In the roughly 25 or so years that I’ve been able to understand football (I’m 34), Hank Williams Jr. has been the speed bump that delayed the Monday Night Football kickoff for 2 minutes or so.  When I was 12, those 2 minutes were crucial, as my parents would eventually make me go to bed before the game ended, what with the ridiculous East Coast start time of close to 9pm.  And now that I’m 34 and have the sleep patterns of a 90-year old, I pretty much never make it through a full game unless it’s one of the NFC East teams playing.  And even when I try, there’s a good chance I’ll wake up on the sofa at 4am with some infomercial running, having no idea who won.  Any time wasted on pregame nonsense, to me, is, and has always been useless.

I never had anything against Hank Williams Jr personally.  He was just the annoying guy that sang a tired song every week during the fall/winter before a football game, the same way Faith Hill now does on Sunday Night.  I don’t really care about a hick country singer’s views on the President.  I don’t really care whether Hank Williams quit or whether he was fired.  I also don’t care about Williams’ misunderstanding of what the First Amendment is… I mean, sure, you have the right to compare President Obama to Hitler, just as ESPN has the right to say, “Really, Hank? Bye.”  Tough titties, Hank.

Not surprisingly, from what I’ve gathered over the past few days, people are generally happy that the opening song will be gone.  Me too.  But in case any of you are unaware, the TV suits are completely oblivious to what they think makes for good entertainment.  FOX has no idea that the fans have ZERO interest in watching Frank Caliendo make an ass of himself every Sunday morning, or that a dancing robot in no way, shape or form enhances the audience’s football viewing experience.  NBC has no idea that people that tune in for Sunday Night Football don’t give a crap about Faith Hill.  And ESPN/ABC/Disney is the worst of them all, evidenced by their past hires of Dennis Miller and Tony Kornheiser, who added literally nothing in the way of actual football analysis during their respective reigns of terror in the broadcast booth.  The only network that has it even close to right is CBS.

What would my solution be if I were ESPN?  How about nothing?  Maybe just start the game 2 minutes earlier?  But don’t bet on it.  Expect the Hank Williams Jr void to be filled rather quickly by something/someone that’s equally misplaced and unentertaining.  How about THIS?  They’d only have to change one word.

6 Comments

  1. wilddre22 says:

    LOLOL!!!hehehehe dawkie you actually made me chuckle quietly to myself at 1:05 in the AM with my woman half sleep in the next room. you are on point with the damn lateness of the monday night games. i too like you, have awoken at 3AM with juicer infomercials, or some over the hill celeb inviting me to buy a time share, like “SHIT! the last thing i remember was the clock hitting the 2 min. warning. who won?!”

    And it’s like you’re sitting in my pops living room with me when that damn robot comes on. cool concept, bad execution. why is that muthaf@#$ doing the cabbage patch in the corner of my TV? you’ve got a big bad robot, and you got him doing dumb shit? i’ve called for that robots head almost as long as i’ve called an end to the gat damn Geico cavemen(somehow they still hang around)

    i however, will miss my ‘are you ready for some football!?’ sing songy question raised to me every Monday night. end of an era.

  2. Nico (A Fine Messi) says:

    Amen, brother… if FOX ain’t patronizin’ their audience… they ain’t tryin’…

  3. The Legend says:

    Check the right side of the blog

  4. The Legend says:

    Believe or not there are people out there that still like Faith Hill for some reason, I agree that it’s played out & wish they would go to someone else if they still want a theme song. I don’t watch FOX pregame thankfully so I don’t have to sit through the Caliendo crap. I agree that CBS has it right, it sucks that they aren’t the main channel for NFC games

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