Owen Schmitt, Dwight Schrute, Charles Manson, and Easy Mac: A tale of 1st and Goal from the 2

About 10 years ago or so, I was a couple years out of college and my first job was working for a sales agency of Xerox, selling office equipment.  I didn’t really have any decision-making, managerial-type power at the time, but I was the highest grossing salesman in the office, and had the teeniest, tiniest bit of juice for a 24 year old.  I was in an office with about 15 others, and the hierarchy kinda went as follows – Owner, sales manager, me, the rest of the scrub sales people.  While I didn’t make any managerial decisions,  the owner would very often ask my opinions on various sales/office matters.  He’d usually ignore whatever I said, but at least he asked.

So one day, the owner and manager both go out to some sort of important “meeting” (I’m skeptical that they were playing 9 holes), and they leave me “in charge” of the office, as if I were Dwight Schrute or something.  Unexpectedly for me, in walks some dude (we’ll call him Gary) who apparently has a job interview scheduled with my bosses.  I call the owner/manager, and they inform me that they’re on their way back, but probably won’t be there for a good 45 minutes.  Nice, guys.  Thanks.

I break the inconvenient news to Gary, and while visibly annoyed, he politely accepts the news and sits down.  So now it’s just me and Gary in my office, and I have a ton of work to do, when Gary starts in with the chit chat (go to the :45 second mark).  We talk like that for 10 minutes or so, when I have to tell Gary that I’m sorry, but I’m extremely busy, and have to focus on my work.  He acknowledges, gets up and begins to just sort of stroll around the office at his leisure.  It’s kind of weird for him to just be walking around the entire office on his own, but it’s fine by me as long as I don’t have to entertain him, so I let him go.

And then I start hearing noises from the kitchen… “Beep… beep beep beep… beep… RRRRRRRRrrrrrrRRRRRrrrrrrRRRR…” and I’m thinking, “Is this guy microwaving something?”  Three and a half minutes later… “Beep, beep, BEEEEEEEEP.”  I go in, and sure enough, Gary is stirring up his Easy Mac, hot off the press, and beginning to dig in.  Roughly the following exchange occurs:

 

Me – “Gary, did you bring Easy Mac with you to your job interview?”

Gary – “No.”

Me – (Confused) “Soooo… where’d you get it?”

Gary – “It was in the cabinet.”

Me – “So while waiting for your job interview, you walked into the kitchen, started rummaging around in the cabinets, found somebody’s lunch, microwaved it, and are just chowing down like you’re at home watching reruns of ‘What’s Happening?'”

Gary – “I’m hungry.”

Me – “Hm, sounds reasonable.”

It’s about this time the owner and boss get back from their “meeting,” and they bring Gary into the conference room, Easy Mac and spoon in hand.

After about an hour or so, they all emerge from the conference room, Gary leaves, and my bosses go back into the conference room to discuss their new applicant.  I poke my head in.  Apparently, they’re luke warm on him, and are going to make him an offer.  We have the following exchange:

Me – “You liked that guy? Really?”

Bosses – “Well, we have to hire someone, and he’s good enough.”

Me – “Did you happen to notice that he had Easy Mac with him?”

Bosses – “Yeah (laughing), he was chewing and talking at the same time.”

Would you buy a copier from this guy?

Me – “During the interview?”

Bosses – “Yeah.”

Me – “And that doesn’t raise a red flag?”

Bosses – “Well it was kinda weird, but whatever.”

Me – “OK, well answer this for me.  Where do you think he got it?”

Bosses – “No idea.”

Me – “He found it in the cabinet in the kitchen and microwaved it. That was somebody’s lunch.”

Bosses – “To me, that just means that he won’t be afraid in front of clients.”

Me – “Yeah, maybe. Of course, Charles Manson wouldn’t be ‘afraid’ in front of our customers either, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to sell them any copiers.”

Let’s just say it didn’t work out.

I'm thinking FB dive here, Andy, whadd'ya say? Well, he runs a 5.6, has a high jump of 7", and only gets about 5 carries per season, but let's give it to him... twice... because the defense will never expect it. Brilliant!

Sunday, 3rd quarter… Eagles down 14-13, 10 plays deep into an impressive drive that began at their own 10 yard line, find themselves at with 1st and G at the Giants’ 2 yard line.  In case any of you are unaware, the Eagles have the following players on their team – LeSean McCoy (who had been tearing up the Giants’ D all afternoon), DeSean Jackson, Jeremy Maclin, Jason Avant, Steve Smith, Brent Celek, and oh yeah… Michael Vick. Hell, if you even want to take it a step further, why not also just name Ronnie Brown, Riley Cooper, Clay Harbor, and Dion Lewis as well.

1st down from the 2… What does Marty Mornhinweg dial up? Owen Schmitt! Gain of 1.

3rd down from the 1, biggest play of the game so far… What does Marty Mornhinweg dial up? Owen Schmitt! Loss of 1, no TD. Eagles settle for 3.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s fans/media that micro-manage play-calling after the fact.  But in this case, it’s completely warranted, and then some.  I like Owen Schmitt.  Hard nosed.  Attitude.  Tough guy.  Decent run blocker.  But you know what?  When you have a team so freaking LOADED with amazing talent, maybe you don’t try to trick the defense by handing the ball to the 12th best option on the offensive roster. And even IF you’re going to try to “trick” the defense, maybe you don’t run it with said player directly into the teeth of the defense.

Isn’t the question, “Are you really going to run Owen Schmitt into the line… twice… at the goal line… in a close game against the Giants… when you have almost a dozen better options?” kinda the same thing as asking “Did you happen to notice that Gary was eating Easy Mac during the job interview?”

18 Comments

  1. for permitting me to comment!

  2. Nullification is a states decision to render a particular federal law that it deems unconstitutional void and inoperative, or non-effective, within the boundaries of that state. It is a process which can unfold in a variety of ways. It may involve formal legislation, or it may not. I could include court battles, but not necessarily. Interposition by state and local officials, such as your states Attorney General or elected county sheriff might be required, but not always. A few times in the past, state nullification conventions have even been convened, but this has been the exception, not the rule.

  3. Brian says:

    They also ran the QB draw right up the friggin middle twice too. 4 plays (got a free play on an offsides) and all 4 of them went to the same spot and got the same result. It was quite a series.

  4. Number5 says:

    MICHAEL! Hahahaha. Great story…

    But on a serious note, I thought the first handoff to Schmitt was a good call, the two Vick draws were like huh? And the final FB handoff was WTF?? The giants knew we would try to pound it inside and we even over committing on the inside, a nice pitch play like last years game winner vs the Giants would have gotten us 7 points. What would you have called on third down Jimmy?

  5. norman says:

    The thing I took out of this article is to take a job interview that I don’t care about and just absolutely be fearless.

    Clearly yacking down stolen food while talking shows initiatve. He won’t let something like hunger get in the way of being productive! As for stealing the food- well he probably didn’t expect to wait 45 minutes, and he *did* leave you to your work…

    Straight Shooter, with middle management written all over him.

    1. Ha, you know… it’s kinda true. I had a job interview once, and knew the second I walked in the door that I didn’t want to work there, so I felt no pressure whatsoever and just said whatever the hell I wanted. For example, they asked me what moment in my life I was most proud of, and I told them it was the day I realized I was finally able to beat up my older sister. The guy laughed, and then kinda looked at me like “OK, what’s your real answer?” And I just stared right back at him, offering up nothing else. That was my answer and I was sticking to it. They offered me a job, haha.

      1. norman says:

        Ah ha ha !

        That’s great.

        Being able to do something like that should help confidence. Walk away from there with a swagger and it shows.

        Tying this back to football, perhaps we should have Casey Matthews tackle a retired running back whose standing dead still. What’s Shaun Alexander doing?

        1. Number5 says:

          I heard Tiki Barber is looking for work 🙂

  6. Eagles fan in NOLA says:

    Jimmy- Great blog, great story, and great rationale of the not so great play calling by Reid & Co. One thing I am surprised hasn’t been mentioned and as an Eagles fan I’m particularly embarrassed by, did you or anyone else see the “Fokou flop” I believe it happen sometime in the second or third quarter? I was at a bar watching the game and didn’t get a chance to hear the announcers call it out, but they showed a replay of it and it seemed pretty obvious to me that Fokou was told to fake an injury. I’m curious if anyone else saw it and why it hasn’t been talked about more in the media. After last weeks fiasco it seems like it was an another awfully poor timed decision by whoever it was on the Eagles sideline that signaled to do it. It seems difficult to prove a player is faking but the video seemed just as clear as the Giants flop a week before.

    1. I noticed it too, but from the press box, so I didn’t have audio either. I’m sure it was legit, on the simple reasoning that if it was suspicious, writers would have been all over like piranhas.

      And thanks.

      1. Eagles fan in NOLA says:

        He was halfway off to the sidelines and then fell down. Do you have/use NFL rewind to get your game tape? If so, it might be worth looking into. With so many storylines (dream team failure, Vick injury, poor play calling, bad linebacker play, losing to division rival, I could probably go own..), it just seems to me like the media may have overlooked it, especially if it wasn’t talked about by the announcers.

        1. Matt G says:

          Fokou was signaling the sideline and then decided halfway to the sideline that he would let them come to him, atleast thats what i think the announcers said and it looked like to me…

          1. Plus, the Giants weren’t in hurry-up or anything. It was the beginning of their drive. It’s not like the Eagles should have really been fatigued or anything. I think it was clean.

            1. Eagles fan in NOLA says:

              Ironically if he had hurt himself worse, or if any of the linebackers would get hurt, it would basically force the Eagles to go out and sign/trade for a replacement. At this point the depth chart is filled with Rolle, Jordan, Clayton, and Lloyd (PS), not exactly a group of players I would love to see start. Any chance we can trade the Cardinals back their second round pick in exchange for Daryl Washington? Yeah, I don’t think so either

    2. brisulph says:

      He was hurt to some degree, but what it made look so bad was the hubaloo about the Giants from the previous Monday. he was walking fine, then just lay down on his back for an ARM INJURY.

  7. Willgfass says:

    While watching that, I was just waiting for Vick to bootleg and either have a wide open Celek (Giants can’t cover TEs) or Vick just running it in.

    I was pleasantly surprise

  8. giants fan says:

    Because the 4th and 1 with McCoy later in the game worked so well.

    1. Jalarsen1 says:

      I joke with my dad and brother, that the Eagles HATE getting inside the 10. They don’t have the powerful line to push it in, and with so much finesse, they just don’t know what to do.

      Week 1, we’re inside the 10, offense looks reasonably settled, and for no apparent reason, Vick just doesn’t take the snap and we’re flagged for delay of game. Pushed back 5 yards, we go in and score. I think Andy did that on purpose. I think he wanted 5 more yards of room to work.

      Nope, it didn’t work with McCoy, either, or Vick for that matter. Redzone is a terrible spot for the Eagles right now on both offense and defense. We’ve given up 6 for 6 TDs now in two weeks in the redzone.

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