About 10 years ago or so, I was a couple years out of college and my first job was working for a sales agency of Xerox, selling office equipment. I didn’t really have any decision-making, managerial-type power at the time, but I was the highest grossing salesman in the office, and had the teeniest, tiniest bit of juice for a 24 year old. I was in an office with about 15 others, and the hierarchy kinda went as follows – Owner, sales manager, me, the rest of the scrub sales people. While I didn’t make any managerial decisions, the owner would very often ask my opinions on various sales/office matters. He’d usually ignore whatever I said, but at least he asked.
So one day, the owner and manager both go out to some sort of important “meeting” (I’m skeptical that they were playing 9 holes), and they leave me “in charge” of the office, as if I were Dwight Schrute or something. Unexpectedly for me, in walks some dude (we’ll call him Gary) who apparently has a job interview scheduled with my bosses. I call the owner/manager, and they inform me that they’re on their way back, but probably won’t be there for a good 45 minutes. Nice, guys. Thanks.
I break the inconvenient news to Gary, and while visibly annoyed, he politely accepts the news and sits down. So now it’s just me and Gary in my office, and I have a ton of work to do, when Gary starts in with the chit chat (go to the :45 second mark). We talk like that for 10 minutes or so, when I have to tell Gary that I’m sorry, but I’m extremely busy, and have to focus on my work. He acknowledges, gets up and begins to just sort of stroll around the office at his leisure. It’s kind of weird for him to just be walking around the entire office on his own, but it’s fine by me as long as I don’t have to entertain him, so I let him go.
And then I start hearing noises from the kitchen… “Beep… beep beep beep… beep… RRRRRRRRrrrrrrRRRRRrrrrrrRRRR…” and I’m thinking, “Is this guy microwaving something?” Three and a half minutes later… “Beep, beep, BEEEEEEEEP.” I go in, and sure enough, Gary is stirring up his Easy Mac, hot off the press, and beginning to dig in. Roughly the following exchange occurs:
Me – “Gary, did you bring Easy Mac with you to your job interview?”
Gary – “No.”
Me – (Confused) “Soooo… where’d you get it?”
Gary – “It was in the cabinet.”
Me – “So while waiting for your job interview, you walked into the kitchen, started rummaging around in the cabinets, found somebody’s lunch, microwaved it, and are just chowing down like you’re at home watching reruns of ‘What’s Happening?'”
Gary – “I’m hungry.”
Me – “Hm, sounds reasonable.”
It’s about this time the owner and boss get back from their “meeting,” and they bring Gary into the conference room, Easy Mac and spoon in hand.
After about an hour or so, they all emerge from the conference room, Gary leaves, and my bosses go back into the conference room to discuss their new applicant. I poke my head in. Apparently, they’re luke warm on him, and are going to make him an offer. We have the following exchange:
Me – “You liked that guy? Really?”
Bosses – “Well, we have to hire someone, and he’s good enough.”
Me – “Did you happen to notice that he had Easy Mac with him?”
Bosses – “Yeah (laughing), he was chewing and talking at the same time.”
Me – “During the interview?”
Bosses – “Yeah.”
Me – “And that doesn’t raise a red flag?”
Bosses – “Well it was kinda weird, but whatever.”
Me – “OK, well answer this for me. Where do you think he got it?”
Bosses – “No idea.”
Me – “He found it in the cabinet in the kitchen and microwaved it. That was somebody’s lunch.”
Bosses – “To me, that just means that he won’t be afraid in front of clients.”
Me – “Yeah, maybe. Of course, Charles Manson wouldn’t be ‘afraid’ in front of our customers either, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to sell them any copiers.”
Let’s just say it didn’t work out.
Sunday, 3rd quarter… Eagles down 14-13, 10 plays deep into an impressive drive that began at their own 10 yard line, find themselves at with 1st and G at the Giants’ 2 yard line. In case any of you are unaware, the Eagles have the following players on their team – LeSean McCoy (who had been tearing up the Giants’ D all afternoon), DeSean Jackson, Jeremy Maclin, Jason Avant, Steve Smith, Brent Celek, and oh yeah… Michael Vick. Hell, if you even want to take it a step further, why not also just name Ronnie Brown, Riley Cooper, Clay Harbor, and Dion Lewis as well.
1st down from the 2… What does Marty Mornhinweg dial up? Owen Schmitt! Gain of 1.
3rd down from the 1, biggest play of the game so far… What does Marty Mornhinweg dial up? Owen Schmitt! Loss of 1, no TD. Eagles settle for 3.
If there’s one thing I hate, it’s fans/media that micro-manage play-calling after the fact. But in this case, it’s completely warranted, and then some. I like Owen Schmitt. Hard nosed. Attitude. Tough guy. Decent run blocker. But you know what? When you have a team so freaking LOADED with amazing talent, maybe you don’t try to trick the defense by handing the ball to the 12th best option on the offensive roster. And even IF you’re going to try to “trick” the defense, maybe you don’t run it with said player directly into the teeth of the defense.
Isn’t the question, “Are you really going to run Owen Schmitt into the line… twice… at the goal line… in a close game against the Giants… when you have almost a dozen better options?” kinda the same thing as asking “Did you happen to notice that Gary was eating Easy Mac during the job interview?”